10-29-2021

                                                                   

                                                                 Mary’s Minute

“Impact is rewarding.  Mattering makes us happy.”

                                                                                           ~ Daniel Gilbert

Mattering matters.  Feeling like we are special to someone else is an important feeling that is linked to mental wellness.  Gordon Flett dedicated an entire book this topic in The Psychology of Mattering: Understanding the Human Need to be Significant.  One of his goals is to raise awareness about the power of mattering so that we can devote more energy to ensuring that people feel like they matter in order to enhance their lives.

Yesterday I had the privilege of attending a virtual conference with 10 students.  One of the speakers talked about the power of mattering, which prompted a discussion among students about what made them feel like they mattered and what made them feel like they didn’t matter. 

The simplicity of the things that made students feel like they mattered, stood out to me.  They said that when a teacher noticed they were down and simply said, “Are you okay?” the student felt connected and that they mattered.  Inversely, they noted that when they felt like an adult knew something was wrong and didn’t say anything, the student felt ignored and unimportant.

Feeling like we matter feels good to all of us, but it is more than that.  While studies show experiencing mattering increases a sense of self-worth and motivation, research also finds it reduces the risk of severe depression and anxiety, and can save lives.  Mattering changes brain activity and produces serotonin.  Mattering truly does matter!

I’ll end this week by reminding you that YOU MATTER (and just for fun for our scientists, unless you multiple yourself twice by the speed of light, and then you are energy.)

                                                                                         Have a great week!

                                                                                                             Mary

10-22-2021

 

Mary’s Minute

“Smile, it’s free therapy.”

                                                          ~ Douglas Horton

I have mentioned before about my daughter, Zoe, moving to California to study creative writing.  At 23, she is trying to be independent, so she was determined to find a job to help pay her California rent, while at the same time taking classes and devoting time to writing. 

She considered doing online tutoring, but she decided being in front of a screen too much would be draining emotionally.  Finally, she landed on nannying.  She set up her profile on the Care App (Yip – there’s an app for that!), completed CPR and first aid training, and started interviewing for a position that was the right fit. 

She was excited when she landed a position to care for one small child three days a week.  I worried that with her coursework and just settling into a new town, it might be exhausting for her to be “on” with a baby all day, so after her first day on the job I called to see how she made it.

“How could I not be happy – all I did was laugh and smile all day!” was her reply when I asked if she was tired after a full day of nannying.  The words have stuck with me.  If we just can laugh and smile, how can we not be happy?  Sure, it isn’t always that easy, but the simple act of smiling, provides a physiological change. 

There is scientific research that supports the mind body connection.  The physical act of smiling (even forced) makes us feel happier.  In a University of South Australia study, participants who were “forced” to smile by holding a pen in their teeth, had a more positive outlook than the control group. It supports the adage of “fake it until you make it.”  Another study found the same results with people who had Botox with “forced” smiles, being happier.  The physical act of smiling tricks our brains into thinking we are happy.

In addition, research supports the benefits that smiling has on people around us.

Those of us who work with children have an advantage over most people because working with children often leads to laughing and smiling, so we do not even need to fake it to feel the results of smiling. 

Working with children can be exhausting, but if we smile, how can we not be happy?

                                                        Smile and have a great week!

                                                                            Mary

10-8-2021

 

Mary’s Minute

“One way to feel good about yourself is to love yourself... to take care of yourself.”

                                                                               ~ Goldie Hawn

As Fall Break begins, I think it is a good time remind ourselves the importance of self-care.  It is appropriate that “Treat Yo’ Self Day” falls over break.  If you aren’t a Parks and Rec fan you probably didn’t know that October 13^th carried this label – and it exists only because of the show as far as I know.  On Parks and Rec, Donna Meagle (played by Retta) and Tom Haverford (Aziz Ansari) treated themselves across the seasons on October 13 every year.

Treat Yo' Self Day is introduced in Season 4, Episode 4 of Parks and Recreation Season 4. In the episode, Tom describes the day: "Treat. Yo. Self. Once a year, Donna and I spend a day treating ourselves. What do we treat ourselves to? Clothes. Treat yourself. Fragrances. Massages. Treat yourself. Mimosas. Fine leather goods...It's the best day of the year."

In our family we have not adopted the day totally, but the phrase sure has caught on!  My children often say it to me if I am hesitating to do something for myself. 

Most people are quicker to treat loved ones, rather than themselves.  I admire generosity and humility.  I also think that it is good for you to treat yourself, remembering the value of self-care and affirming that you are worthy.  Your treat doesn’t need to be a monetary item like Donna and Tom, but I do urge you to remember that you deserve to be treated!  Whether it is on October 13^th or any day you choose, treat yo’ self! 

                                                                       Have a great break!

                                                                                          Mary

10-1-2020

 

“Focus on your strengths instead of your weaknesses, on your powers instead of your problems.”                                        

                                                                           – Paul Meyers

I have never been a coach or even played an organized sport, but I have heard coaches talk about the importance of not imagining the negative, but rather focusing on the positive result.  For instance, when shooting a free throw, a player steps to the line, visualizing the ball going through the hoop, not by saying, “Don’t miss it.  Don’t miss it.” 

I do think it is an interesting balance because we also realize that in order to improve, we need to be engaged in meaningful assessment of how we can improve where we are weak. 

This has baffled me with student learning.  If we have a student who is very talented in math, but struggles in reading.  Do we pull him from math class to offer extra help in reading or do we focus on his strength and let him excel in math?  As Einstein said, “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”  At the same time, we understand that we have an obligation in education and for our own growth to work on our faults and continually improve.  I would like to think that our major focus is on the strengths, and our secondary emphasis is on working on weaknesses. 

In high school, my Bill took what history courses he had to take to meet requirements and get a basic understanding, but social sciences are not his thing.  At Stanford, he is taking 3 or 4 math and physics courses a quarter, along with an occasional creative writing course if he can fit it in, but he is going to skirt through the core requirements without taking a single history course.  His focus is on his strengths and his passions.  Now, I am not proposing that we ditch the notion of a well-rounded education.  Obviously, K-12 students need to explore so they find their passions, as well as developing core skills.  The true excitement in learning and life, though, often occurs when students (and adults) find and follow their strengths.

By focusing on the positive -- both in the moment and in the big picture, we feel better about ourselves, allow ourselves grace, and accomplish so much. 

                                                         Have a great week!

                                                                            Mary