5-20-2022

 

Mary’s Minute

 

“Accepting help is its own kind of strength.”

                                                                           ~ Kiera Cass

I think many people can relate to how difficult it can be to ask for/accept help.  We love to help others, and we even recognize the joy we experience by giving of ourselves to others.  Reciprocating by allowing others to help us, is not as easy.

I remember when my son, Bill, was a strong-willed toddler, I would often say to him, “Part of being independent was knowing when to ask for help.”  I need to remember my own words, and not see accepting the kindness of others as a sign of weakness.

Part of being independent is knowing when we need to depend on others.  We are social beings – and we need each other.  It is not only okay, but a form of giving.

By graciously accepting help from others, we allow them to feel the same joy we receive from giving of ourselves.  It just doesn’t sound right, though!  “I’m going to ‘let you’ help me so you can feel good about yourself – go ahead and knock yourself out, and then you can thank me for giving you the joy of doing a good deed for me!”  I know that is extreme, but it still just doesn’t seem right to me. 

Not long ago, when I reluctantly asked my kids for help, my oldest son, Jess, said, “Mom, you help us all the time, so let us get joy from helping you.”  My sarcastic thought came to my mind, but I am going to work on accepting it with grace and gratitude. 

                                                                         Have a great week!

                                                                                 Mary

 

5-13-2022

 

Mary’s Minute

"I wasn't just going to walk, I was going to run. And then, once I stopped running, I was going to dance."                                                                           – Robert Battle

One of my favorite stories as an elementary teacher involved conversation I overheard of a kindergarten boy who was moving quickly down a hallway, only to be stopped by a concerned teacher.  The teacher said, “No running in the hallway,” to which the tot responded without missing a beat, “I’m not running; I’m skipping.”  As I reflect, I am lumping dancing and skipping into the same category.  To me they are both ways to move that are more fun than walking or running.

As I get closer to a transition to winding down my career as a school superintendent, I was drawn to this quote about dancing.  Metaphorically speaking, first we walk through childhood, then we run through adulthood, and finally we figure out that we should dance!  I like to think of dance both literally and metaphorically as a great way to live!

Last week my sister and I had the privilege of vacationing with our mom and her husband.  On the last night of the trip, we were sitting on the deck overlooking the ocean and decided to crank up some dance tunes.  We all ended up dancing awkwardly (well, at least me) as the waves crashed in the background.  It felt good physically and emotionally, and it also was a great way to feel connected. 

Back to the notion of going from walking to running to dancing.  I’m ready to focus more on the journey, then the destination.  Walking and running focus on getting somewhere, but maybe we should just dance and enjoy the process! 

I hope you dance!  Have a great week!  ~ Mary

 

5-6-2022

 

Mary’s Minute

“Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.”

                                       ~ Mahatma Gandhi

So much in life is about balance.  I for one, vacillate constantly.  For instance, one day, I worry about saving money for the future and the next, I think, “Life is short, so spend!”  Gandhi has it right in that we need to live with an attitude of virtue that we could die tomorrow and feel we have lived a good life, while at the same time, learning/planning for a long a bright future. 

The balance is not easy, but it is possible especially when we find work that brings us joy while contributing to making the world a better place.  Finding joy while serving others is truly a way to live a life of balance that Gandhi suggests.  Educators have a special opportunity to find that balance!

I recently talked to a researcher working with at-risk youth.  One of his current projects has high school students engaged in writing prompts that help them learn about their core values and then live by them.  At-risk youth who live a life that aligns to their values are more successful (more likely to graduate from high school, get good grades, go to college, etc.) than their peers who did not stay true to their values. 

Living our best lives is about believing in something and staying true to it!

            Happy Teacher Appreciation Week!

                                                                        Mary

4-29-2022

 

Mary’s Minute

“We all have our time machines. Some take us back, they're called memories. Some take us forward, they're called dreams.”

                                                                                     ~ Jeremy Irons

 My bet is that if you take 30 seconds and think back to a memory good or bad – you won’t be able to not laugh out loud, smile big, or even cry (happy or sad tears).  Just writing this has evoked smiles, laughs and tears for me. 

The reality is that our mind has, shall we say, a mind of its own!  In other words, we can’t totally control what will stick.  When I think back 50 plus years, I remember odd moments in my childhood.  When I was three I fell off a ladder in the woods and cut my head.  I still remember seeing the hard ground as I fell and a big boy carrying me home.  I just mostly have moments from my first ten years of life, but one thing that I do have is what Maya Angelou reminds us of – we don’t remember what was said or done, but we remember what we felt.  I remember feelings so much more than details.  I remember feeling safe and happy.  (I know I am lucky!) 

I do appreciate the time machine in my head, and I will continue to use it to “go back” to great times with my family, work families, and friends.   

What I think I have learned is that no matter how hard we try, we can’t control what memories will stick, but we can do all we can to embrace the moments and create feelings that can’t be forgotten.  We can do this for ourselves and for those around us – like our students.  Memories fade, but feelings are forever!  I am thankful for the memories and the feelings they evoke.

I also think that what makes memories even sweeter is the opposite dial on the time machine – the ability to dream.  We can’t go back in time, but we can dream of a wonderful future.

 

Have a great week!             

Mary

 

4-22-2022

 

Mary’s Minute

What do you want to be when you grow up?

This question often posed to children as early as kindergarten seems simplistic, but I am beginning to really love the question.    I like to think of the it not as one directed at an occupation, but more about who we want to BE as people.  I like to think of responses that are actions and not nouns. 

Think of “be” as all of the actions to which we aspire, and think of “grow” as the notion that no matter how old we are, we are always growing.  In the past few years, even as I near retirement, I have said that I am still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.  Although I may not have another career, as long as I am living, I am growing and seeking to figure out what I who I can be as a person.  

I want to be kind, contributing, adventurous, curious, and brave.  Every day I still am trying to figure out what I want to be and then how to reach that ever-moving pinnacle.  I recognize in experiences that there are actions by people that make me think – I want to be more like that.  I see people exhibiting selfless acts, and think to myself, that is what I want to be.  I see people engaged in intriguing conversations about ideas, and I think that is what I want to be. 

Each day greets me with a new opportunity to embrace the question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”  The exciting part is that every day, we have the chance to keep growing and striving to BE all we want to BE!

Have a great week!             

 

Mary

 

4-18-2022

 

Mary’s Minute

“Say yes, and you’ll figure it out afterwards.”

                                                                        ~ Tina Fey

Almost 20 years ago, I was a 38-year-old elementary assistant principal, when a group of school board members asked me if I could be a superintendent.  Like Tina Fey suggested, I said yes and have done my best to figure it out along the way!  I recently talked to a very successful person, who credited her success in her career to saying, “yes.”  For me, saying yes has made all the difference.

I know that in self-care, we talk a lot about the importance to saying no in order to protect ourselves from putting undue stress on ourselves.  I think we need to not underestimate the power of yes, along the way.    Saying yes opens up an array of opportunities and adventures that we may miss by saying no.

On the Netflix series, Grace and Frankie, free spirit Frankie loves the idea of a “yes night.” Although I have never tried this exact idea, the notion of saying yes sure resonates with me. 

Of course, I am not proposing that you allow yourself to be taken advantage of, but I am proposing that you think of “yes” as “Why not try.”

The reality is that when I said yes to being a superintendent, that was not my first yes.  I had said “yes” many times along the way that put me in a position to be asked that question.  Now after a 20-year career as a superintendent, I am thankful that I said yes, and my goal is to continue to say “yes” to a full life!

 

Have a great week!                                                                 Mary

4-1-2022

 

Mary's Minute

“He who sleeps in continual noise is wakened by silence.”

                                                                 ~ William Dean Howells

 

We are surrounded with so many background noises that sometimes silence takes us by surprise – a pleasant surprise for sure.  For instance, we all know the feeling of sitting in a room when suddenly the furnace fan kicks off, creating sudden calm that we didn’t even know we so desperately needed.  A similar feeling occurs when a door is closed, blocking out hallway conversations and footsteps.  We become so accustomed to the constant hum of background noise that we do not realize how deafening it is, until it stops. 

We live in a noisy world – I mean that both figuratively and literally.  On the street, we hear horns honking, untamed mufflers, squelching tires, blaring radios, and motors revving.  Even our homes are full of hums from appliances and HVAC.    Life is full of “noise” that we do not even know is there until we step away from it. 

The same is true of the metaphorical noise that surrounds us.  The “noise” of stress of our long to-do lists and constant decision making is so continuous that we do not even realize the weight it bears until we are freed from it.  My wish for you is that you can step away from the constant humming noise that has grown ever louder, but you don’t even “hear” it because you have become so accustomed to it.  It is only when you flip the switch off that you will feel the relief of “silence”. 

                                                                     Hears to finding your escape from noise!  

                                                                                    Mary

1-25-2022

 

Mary’s Minute

 “When was the last time you did something for the first time?”

                                                                                   ~ John C. Maxwell

 I’m glad I looked this quote up because I would have attributed it to Darius Rucker who created a country song from the motivational question. 

Well, this week has been a week of “first times” for this old girl.  On Tuesday, when I saw the fire ladder stretched out over the elementary, and students being loaded on buses for evacuation, I thought to myself that this was a first in my 20 years as a superintendent.  It turned out to be relatively minor, and thanks to a beyond amazing team effort everything went incredibly smoothly.

Last Friday night I did another first by attending a concert by myself.  Admittedly, when I bought the ticket less than 48 hours before the concert, I was thinking that I was sort of a loser to go to a concert all by myself, but as huge Darius Rucker fan I couldn’t pass up the lone front row seat that I was able to nab because I was flying solo.

When Darius starting belting out the lyrics, “When was the last time you did something for the first time?” the words resonated.  I consciously thought differently about my decision to be brave and buy the ticket.  As I sang along leaning against the stage, I was struck with a hopefulness about looking forward and trying new things even when in many ways I feel like the biggest parts of my life are behind me.  The song gave me hope that, although I have lived through a lot and have many great memories, I also have a lot of life left to live and many new firsts – if only I am willing to look for them.

Whether you are 27, 57, or 87, there is a beautiful life out there for us to live, so be ready to do something for the first time!

                                                                              Have a great week!      

                            Mary

3-18-2022

 

Mary’s Minute

 “Where words fail, music speaks.”

                                                       ~Hans Christian Anderson

Music is a beautiful gift to the world.  We listen to music to set the mood, to celebrate, to remember, to forget, when we are happy, and when we are sad.  Music invokes memories.  Music takes us back in time and allows us to escape to other locations.

We use music as part of ceremonies, like weddings, graduations, and funerals.  We attend concerts where we focus purely on the music being performed.  For many of us, our car radio is our musical partner on our drives.  We sing along and instantly release stress.

My personal participation in music is limited to listening, tapping my foot, and occasionally singing along when I am alone.  For those people who play an instrument or sing well, there is an even more intense level of involvement. 

There is a reason that people listen to music while they work out.  Research has proven that listening to music, increases workout endurance.

In fact, research has proven that listening to music has positive effects on both physical and mental health.  Music has shown to actually reduce physical pain, decrease stress, and elevate moods.  Music therapy has been effective with Alzheimer’s patients with research showing it can relax an agitated patient, improve the mood and open communication in patients.  Listening to music has even been shown to be heart healthy by increasing blood flow and lowering blood pressure.

Music is indeed a gift with so many benefits, so crank up the tunes to enjoy and also to enhance your mental and physical health along the way!

                                                               Have a great week!

                                                                          Mary

3-11-2022

 

Mary’s Minute

“You glow differently when you are happy.”

                                                                    ~ Anamika Singh

 We all strive to be happy and wish happiness for others, but true happiness is hard to define.  For me there is a difference between being happy in the moment and truly being happy. 

Thinking of true happiness as a glow, for me, is a good way to picture what being happy at the core means.  People often say that pregnant women and people who are in love, glow, and those are certainly states that reflect inner happiness.

Moments of happiness come through doing things we enjoy, but deep happiness is more than that.  Some people maintain that there is no true happiness, but only moments of happiness pieced together.  I am a believer that inner happiness is obtainable.  Doing things we enjoy helps create inner happiness, but there is something special – something more – about being happy at our core.

We can control our attitude, and Abraham Lincoln even said, “Most folks are as happy as they make ups their minds to be.”

So how do we get at true happiness?  Piecing together moments of happiness?  Doing more of what we enjoy?  Following Bobby McFarrin’s advice?  Making up our mind to choose to be happy?  I would say all of the above and sometimes none of the above.  We are responsible for our own happiness, and when we celebrate moments of happiness, we are that much closer to experiencing the kind of deep happiness that will make us glow differently!

 

                                                            Have a great week!

                                                                        Mary

3-4-2022

 

Mary’s Minute

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”

                                                                  ― Oscar Wilde

My oldest son Jess laughs about me only telling him no three times in his life.  (Maybe I wasn’t the toughest parent!)

Looking back, each “no” had a different basis.  One no was to him getting a dog, and it was purely selfish on my part.  I didn’t think I could handle the work of an indoor dog (even though, he was going to do all of the work. 😉) Another no was allowing him to go on an overnight high school band trip when he was a sixth grader.  It was a decision based on his safety, and I stand by it!

The third no was to his request to get his hair highlighted when he was in 5^th grade.  This is the one I want to talk about. 

This week I was thinking about the importance of being yourself.  My thoughts actually grew out of reminiscing about my fourth-grade school picture when I wore a bandana in my hair.  (It was definitely unusual – it also was my dad’s favorite picture of me, and he carried it in his wallet until he died.)  The point is that as a fourth grader, and I think I was pretty comfortable in my own skin.  I feel fortunate that for most of my life, I have been comfortable doing things my way.

So was I wrong to not let Jess express his individuality and highlight his hair?  Not that I can go back and change it, but I’m still okay with the decision.  I think as parents we have to give our children freedom of expression, but also boundaries.  Given I only told him no three times, I think I gave him plenty of freedom!  Bill at 22 is letting his curly brown hair grow long enough to put in a pony tail, and I am fine with him being himself.  Do I just like Bill more?  Have I eased up in my old age?  Or is it the difference in being 11 or 22?  I will go with the last one!  As parents, we balance setting boundaries and working within societal norms with encouraging authenticity.  Our hope is always that we set them on a path of good decision making for a lifetime, with enough self-confidence to be true to themselves.  Teachers face the same struggle with their students.

We truly are all unique individuals, and although we say it and know it is true, it isn’t always easy to act on.  Being true to ourselves is a gift we can give to the world and a way to a happier more productive life! 

                                                                         Be you, and have a great week!

                                                                                                Mary           

2-25-2022

 

Mary’s Minute

“Freedom and happiness are found in the flexibility and ease with which we move through change.”

                                                                        —  Buddha

We all know people who just roll with anything, while others do not deal with change very well and often find themselves stressed.  Personally, I think I am somewhere in the middle of the spectrum.  I have always been proud of myself for enjoying change, but let’s face it, change is not always fun. 

Some changes are major and part of life – our kids moving away from home -- growing older -- retiring!  Other changes are just part of our everyday life and can be good, bad, or neutral.  It isn’t life-shattering that I had to change my dinner plans with friends last night because of icy roads, but it was a change. 

With every change – whether watching my baby drive off across the country or being late for an appointment because of traffic, I know I have a choice.  I can roll with the change with ease and flexibility, or I can wallow in sadness, anger, and regret.  They all pay the same, but the ability to be flexible and embrace change, pays off with the priceless dividend of a happier existence. 

I am not sure that the last few years have really brought more change for me or whether I am just more cognizant of it.  Either way, I am thinking a lot about life changes.  Thinking of life changes makes me think about all change and how I handle it.  Of course, Buddha is correct in advising that happiness comes from navigating change with ease.  I have made it a personal goal!

                                                                                          Have a great week!

                                                                                                    Mary                

            

2-18-2022

 

Mary’s Minute

“No matter how educated, talented, rich or cool you believe you are, how you treat people ultimately tells all.” 

                                                                          ~ Anonymous

Like many parents, my sister, Amy, often posts first day of school pictures of my adorable niece and nephew.  It makes me smile seeing Jack and Ellie over the years.  What really makes me smile is the advice that my sister gives them each year, “Work hard and be kind.”  Aunt Mary may be a bit biased, but Jack and Ellie are quite accomplished 13 and 15-year olds.  They do very well in school and excel in their current extra-curricular activities:  Ellie in dance and Jack in swimming and water polo, but what sets them apart is that they take their mom's advice and they are kind and hard working!

Much in life is a matter of circumstance.  Some people are born with natural athletic ability or superior intellect.  Some people are given more opportunities than others.  Whether we call it being blessed or fortunate, we must admit that many of us have advantages that were in a sense gifted to us by the universe.  There are advantages (and disadvantages)  that are out of our control.

What we can control is how hard we work and how we treat people.  As Amy says to Jack and Ellie, “Work hard and be kind.” 

How we treat people – all people – matters.  I appreciate educated, talented, rich, and cool people, but what I notice and what counts to me is how we treat people. 

We do not have control over many aspects of our life, but we have power over how we treat people!  It is exciting to know that while we may fall short because of our circumstances, we all have the opportunity to shine by treating each other with kindness.

                                                                       Have a great week!

                                                                                                 Mary                

2-11-2022

 

Mary’s Minute

 I know some people make fun of Valentine’s Day for being a commercialized coup to boost the economy.  I have to agree the estimated $24 billion that is expected to be spent this year for gifts seems ridiculous, but the idea of a holiday devoted to love seems divine to me. 

Of course, love is associated with romantic feelings, but it is so much more than that.  When I think of love, I think of my dad who in our family had phrases that we quote often nearly 30 years after his death.  He often said, “Treat the people you love the most the best.”  He also said, “Remember what Jesus said, ‘Love one another.” 

I also think of Mother Teresa who said, “Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.”

Ahh… love!  Treating people with genuine care and concern is a gift.  Love is forgiving -- love is selfless.  As parents, there truly is no limit to what we would do for our children – because of love.  Imagine if that same feeling could spread to all areas of our lives.  Maybe we won't change the world, but Mother Teresa also said, “Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love.”

We do not have to be in a romantic relationship or to buy into the commercial hype of the holiday to appreciate love.  Love is a very special way of feeling – both to love and to be loved.

And, so on Valentine’s Day and always, I wish you LOVE!

                                                       Have a great week!        

                                                            Mary